February 6, 2012
A Dozen Tips for Staying at Level 3 in a Level 2 World
When you make the decision to move from Level 2 to Level 3, the biggest obstacles tend to come from your own internal defaults. But the task of making service to others your primary source of happiness can be tougher when you’re facing a Level 2 headwind. If your workplace or social life is marred by politics, gossip, and gamesmanship, how do you resist the provocations to revert to Level 2? How do you protect yourself while remaining a positive influence? Below are a dozen practical tips to consider. And please note, in referring to Level 2, we mean Level 2 dominance, which is bad, not Level 2 happiness, which is good.
1. Don’t preach. Does the world need more Level 3 people? Yes! Can you get people there by saying, “You need to change”? No! While it’s normal to want to share ideas you believe in, preaching the problems of Level 2 or the benefits of Level 3 rarely works. People don’t see it as helpful advice but as criticism. If there’s anything Level 2 people dislike, it’s a message that sounds like “I’m much better than you.”
2. Don’t adopt a stance of moral superiority. Even if you’re not preaching, there’s still a risk of appearing morally superior. You can make this mistake inadvertently by saying things the wrong way (“Others may enjoy gossip and back-stabbing, but I don’t”). You can even fall back into the “Comparison Game” and turn your Level 3-ness into a bragging right. Fr. Spitzer calls this temptation the “contribution contest” (“I’m doing more good than you are”).
People at Level 2 don’t often reflect on why they’re doing what they’re doing, so they’re stunned when they hear someone articulate core principles and a core purpose. They’ll say, "Gosh, you’ve really thought through all these things!" |
3. Remember, your example means more than your words. It’s easy to forget your most effective communication often comes when you’re not aware that you’re communicating. It’s more important to demonstrate Level 3 behavior than explain it. Your empathy, contributions, and generosity with your time make a deeper impression on others than anything you can say. There are times when you’re called on to speak up, but day-to-day examples are your most eloquent testimony to Level 3.
4. Talk in terms of happiness. If you want to preserve your noncombatant status in the midst of Level 2 wars, emphasize the role that happiness plays in guiding your conduct. “I always speak in terms of happiness,” says Fr. Spitzer. “That way, you don’t look like you’re judging others. You’re saying, ‘When I get involved in situations like this, I get jealous, angry, and all wrapped up in myself, which makes me miserable. I’m much happier when I focus on making a positive difference to people.’ Sometimes, that makes people think, ‘I’m not happy either. Maybe I ought to be doing things differently.’ I’ve had much more influence on people’s lives by explaining what works for me than by telling them what to do.”
5. Explain what’s important to you in your life. “Sometimes, people want to co-opt you into doing something wrong in order to make themselves feel better for doing it,” says Fr. Spitzer. That’s a good time to lay your own priorities on the table – your desire to make a difference to your family, your colleagues, your company, your community, and your church. “You can say, ‘I’m sorry, but what you’re proposing doesn’t correspond with these commitments I’ve made.’ People at Level 2 don’t often reflect on why they’re doing what they’re doing, so they’re stunned when they hear someone articulate core principles and a core purpose. They’ll say, ‘Gosh, you’ve really thought through all these things!’"
6. Be rationale. Be prepared to offer a rational explanation to justify your nonconformity to Level 2 practices. For example, when things go wrong and people start to play the blame game, give sound, thoughtful reasons for not joining in: “I don’t want to point my finger at people because it won’t help me solve the problem. I don’t want to have bad blood with any of my colleagues, and I want people to know they can come to me with mistakes and not worry that I’ll use their mistakes against them.”
7. Use stories if you have them to make a point. Real-life experiences are hard to argue with, and they can generate empathy and understanding: “I used to badmouth people I disliked, then one day I overheard someone talking trash about me. I confronted the guy, but instead of apologizing, he said, ‘You hypocrite! You’re always tearing people down. It’s about time you got a taste of your own medicine!’ The awful part was, he was right. Now, when I’m tempted to blast someone, I hear those words again and stop, and I’m happier for it.”
8. See the good news in others. The attitudes and emotions found at Level 2 aren’t pretty, but you have to resist the temptation to define people in terms of their worst attributes. It’s not helpful to think, “There’s Roger – the arrogant guy from HR who’s never been wrong in his life.” You don’t have to ignore faults, but try to see the good news as well. Maybe Roger has a good sense of humor, an encyclopedic knowledge of the business, or coaches Little League. By acknowledging people’s good points and approaching them from that angle, you build empathy, trust, and a better working relationship.
9. Take time for reflection each day. Level 2 temptations can catch you off guard. You want to see the good news in others, but every time your brother-in-law with the Lexus jokes, “Still driving that old, beat-up Chevy?” you want to throttle him. Instead, you make a joke about his first wife, and another family gathering bites the dust. That’s one reason daily refection, especially in the morning, is so important. It’s an opportunity to look at the day ahead and prepare for the opportunities and challenges (like your brother-in-law). Even on days that don’t hold anything special, it’s a chance to recall what’s important in life and keep what you value uppermost in your mind.
10. Find Level 3 friends. In nearly every organization, you’ll find good Level 3 people – very few of whom would use the term “Level 3” to describe themselves. But they find their satisfaction in doing their job well and helping others, and they seldom engage in gossip, complaining, or politics. If you haven’t made friends with some of these people already, reach out to them. They can be a great source of moral support, advice, and empathy.
11. If it gets really bad, leave. If your workplace (or club, or social circle) is weighing you down like an anchor, sometimes the only solution is moving on. If your job is the problem, it’s prudent to have your next offer in hand before leaving. But there’s no sense staying if the good you can accomplish is limited, and the harm being done to your overall well-being is substantial.
12. If you have faith, pray for your enemies. “It works,” says Fr. Spitzer. “If some guy at work is busting your chops day after day until you can’t stand it any longer, try praying for him. If you do, I think there’s about a 90 percent chance that eventually – maybe six weeks after you start – he’ll come up to you and say, ‘I don’t disagree with you as much as I thought I did. Maybe you’re not such a rotten punk after all!’”
– John Keenan, Editor
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Last changed: Feb 10 2010 at 11:52 AM