February 6, 2012
The Levels in Action
The Question That Makes My Day
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Jim Berlucchi
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“How can I make an Optimal Positive Difference with my life today?”
I had been reflecting on this question, which I call the OPD (optimal positive difference) formula, most mornings for about a month. It was definitely helping. My instinctive self-concern seemed to fade as I launched into my daily challenges. Making a contribution (Level 3) was a much more satisfying orientation than simply leaning into my ego needs (Level 2). Consciously bringing Level 3 to the fore made me actually think about how I could make the world a better place – today.
But then a morning came when this familiar morning reflection provoked some discomfort. Why did the question, which had been helping me so much, suddenly trouble me? My thoughts and irritation went immediately to my planned meeting that day with “Bill.”
Bill and I had been assigned a joint project and, frankly, I found him insufficient for the task. Though a nice guy, he just didn’t have the talent or experience that I was counting on. The project was moving slowly. I was picking up pieces that I thought he should handle. In my smug appraisal, he wasn’t making a positive difference, let alone an optimal positive difference.
My OPD question made me realize I had sunk into a Level 2, ‘looking for the bad news’ attitude toward Bill. Moreover, my negative attitude was prompting creative avoidance. Rather than working with Bill, I found ways to do my own thing. This early morning moment of self awareness was the source of my discomfort. I was hurting Bill, hindering the project, and behaving badly. The net result was an OND – an Optimal Negative Difference.
With a short prayer of remorse, I asked for some divine assistance and resolved to change. Remarkably, I felt better about Bill immediately. Despite his inexperience, I could see he had considerable ability. How could I help him be successful? What different angle could we take for the project? How could I make an Optimal Positive Difference for Bill?
I jotted down some ideas that would mix and match our talents and aggressively move the project forward. And instead of trying to avoid meeting Bill, I found myself looking forward to the meeting. Sure enough, it went great. Bill was receptive to the ideas, added some great insights, and the project surged forward. The OND was transformed into an OPD.
The OPD exercise has continued to be beneficial. In fact, I use it most often in advance of meetings or situations that I’m not looking forward to. It quickly re-directs my self-concern (what Fr. Spitzer calls “ego-in”) to concern for others (“ego-out”). It makes me aware of what I have to give when I’m feeling inadequate for a task. It nudges me out of the Comparison Game (Am I a winner here or a loser?) into a Contribution mindset (What can I offer?).
And what a great way to start the day! When I’m self-absorbed, worried, or feeling critical, I find that if I seriously ponder the OPD question in the quiet of early morning reflection, my daily outlook and interactions invariably improve (though I confess that I do need to revisit it).
Which brings me to another point: repetition. I wish it weren’t the case but it is. Since Level 1 (immediate sensory gratification) and Level 2 (ego satisfaction) are our default drives, Level 3 has to be chosen – not just once but again and again – before it becomes a habit. Sometimes I find myself asking the OPD question 10 to 15 times in a given day simply because my default drive is raging. Rather than combat this negative pull with sheer willpower, the positivity of the OPD question has an almost magical uplifting effect on my spirit and attitude.
You’ve probably heard the saying, “Check your ego at the door.” While this advice sounds lofty I’ve never found it practical. If I check my ego at the door, I can’t enter the room. The Latin word ‘ego’ means ‘I’. I can’t leave myself behind at the door.
But I can direct my ego out and seek for the Optimal Positive Difference in every situation. And that makes all the difference.
– Jim Berlucchi, Executive Director
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Last changed: Nov 05 2009 at 1:36 PM